’64 Chevy/Are You Afraid of the Dark?

“Call me after midnight.”
“Ha! Yeah. Well, you know what they say about after midnight.”

“..No, actually I don’t know what they say. What do they say?”
“After midnight we’re gonna let it all hang out!”

YES, classic rock reference.

Thanks, The Shark 105.3


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Moses introduced himself. He rang me up at 7-11. Then he asked if I have a phone number.709460225_ff632d2810

Across the street a homeless man said, “Excuse me…I love you. Look at you. You’re my true love. I love you.” 


Last night I had a dream I saw the Fonz.


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About Being on the Wrong Side of the Street…

[as far as buses go] I’m always on the wrong side of the street. Some days it makes me clench my jaw, tight, tight, as I powerlessly watch the bus take off without me. Other days I don’t care about waiting so much because I’m in no hurry to get home. Like today. I didn’t care I had to watch that bus go by, as I stood a crosswalk away. I knew I’d probably come home to ‘A’ acting ‘weird’ (read: indifferent?) towards me again. I keep telling myself it’s normal he should be acting like this at this time because I know how much is going on with him, but why I do feel like things between us seriously changed so much? I’m not saying the ‘chemistry’ is gone. I know how much he loves me and I him, but let’s just say things have seem to have gone awry (temporarily, God willing). That, or I’m blowing things out of proportion making my (disgusting) insecurity show. ‘A’ needs to show me he loves me; I need reassurance constantly. I think that must be a sign that he hasn’t completely won my 100% trust (because he changes his mind, plans so quickly?). 

I have hope for us, and it doesn’t feel like an empty hope. No one but me can see how or why, and I don’t understand either. Everyone with advice comes off as if they know more about ‘A’ and me than I do, but what do they actually know about any of it? Not that much at all, a mere iota of the puzzle. We’ve been through so much in the past 8 (!!) months together. 

Given the circumstances a lot of stuff weighs heavily, outcomes only determined over time. And though our relationship has had bumps, the fun we have together still outweigh even the worst argument. It’s comforting when I realize how many laughs we’ve had when we don’t even have anything (save for the internet) to distract ourselves from completely enjoying being with each other.

I pray to God we can continue to be honest, devoted and in love with each other.

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Work, Music, Sushi=Life?

My problem with blogging is that I think too much. I need to just go at it. It’d make me do it more, and it wouldn’t feel like work. Speaking of, thanks to my boss I got to see Jay-Z and Mary J. Blige from the 10th row, at the perfect angle to the stage, this past Monday. “Which car is more hip hop? The BMW or the Lexus SUV?” When his wife rolled up in the Lexus to pick us up from the dive bar close to work he informed her, “We’re gonna take your car. Brittany said it’s more hip hop.” He then went on to give his wife props for “lookin’ all hip hop.” She did too, in her black knee-high boots. With my printed hoodie I was going for the street hip hop look, no stilettos for me.

When we were downing our double drinks, I learned a lot about where things are headed with work. It’s pretty huge so I’m definitely hanging on to this job. The most exciting thing is that in a week from tomorrow we’ll get our regular pay, plus the extra at the end of each month (which I’m hoping should be pretty hefty, I mean I’d settle for just a $100 and it’s already going to be way more than that). Some purchases I’d like to make (okay, I should use some towards credit card debt): A FULL BED for a REAL WOMAN! (A real “ladycat” deserves nothing less, afterall, and I’ve been without a real bed for too long), a new digital camera, and some new clothes/shoes, because I’ve been in the same ol’ duds (more or less) since who knows when.

Pants just visited and it was a good time, but I spent way too much money. I realized how much I talk about my boss, and this means two things. One, work is life, especially when you can work from wherever, whenever. Two, I’ve already got a lot of good stories from partying with him, hearing things through the grapevine, and just dealing with him. It’s entertaining stuff, because it’s a unique kind of work environment, and I feel really lucky for it. I don’t know many other people in their office “career” job who can relate as much. It goes for every job, but you just don’t know what it’s really like unless you actually work there. Of course there are times when I feel like I’m fucking everything up or he’s being way too demanding or ADD, but overall, the good outweighs the bad (and the perks help too- monthly full body massages with a top-notch masseuse, free concerts and albums for my reviews, a Trader Joe’s-stocked kitchen).

Another thing on my mind lately is music; I never buy it anymore. I think this is why my taste in music is feeling so outdated. I have old favorites, cd’s accumulated when Mom was actually paying for it. They nearly make me sick to look at now. I want new, new, new. No looking back! I need soundtracks to launch me into the future!!! Up, up and away. I do have new (or new to me) favorite bands/artists, but I just don’t have their albums:

Hot Chip

Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy



Sly & The Family Stone

Nick Drake

Rolling Stones

Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings



St. Vincent

Vampire Weekend (I feel like such an indie-scenester toolbag cuz of them, so I might start hating them soon, if they start becoming even more overhyped)

Dengue Fever

So yeah, I guess that extra bread will, in part, end up going towards some hefty music purchases.

I’m waiting for A to come over. I think he’s finally taking me OUT to dinner. We never go out, the closest we come to that is when he rides his bike down to the sushi place and brings back a feast for us (bean curds, mmm), which I think is so sweet. I can picture myself a year ago imagining my boyfriend and saying, “He should be the type who will go ride his bike in the rain to get me sushi!” It’s a tiny detail of a “requirement” I would come up, because I love sushi and boys on bikes. Tonight though…sushi out could be extra nice.

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Mini-April Vacation

Pants is visiting. I took Thursday and Friday off to hang in the city with her. We met Dylan for lunch and ate by the water, walked up to Lombard St. Another day we walked to Hayes Valley, got chickaree in our iced coffees, left Dylan and did cartwheels at the Painted Ladies, before walking to Castro for my haircut.  Oh, and Thursday was such a shopping day. It felt good. I walked away with three madras-printed items. I love dresses.

That walking has tired us all out. We’re taking it easy doing our own things in Sonoma. Becky’s out front on the chair, Dylan’s cleaning up, Vanessa’s reading on the couch with the bizarre tilt, I just finished my Mariah Carey album review and emailed it. This was all prefaced by a Barefoot Contessa French toast recipe, cooked up by Dylan.

Last night it was bong rips and bowls aplenty, and a shiraz night-cap.

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Friends Update: What are my friends doing?

BT: working down the station, where there are lots of binders to be made. Likes bike riding on her new bicycle, healthy things, swimming, and substitute teachers named PD.

DB: crunching those numbers, pulling a Sue Ellen: “I’m right on top of that, Rose!” (phone headset included). Likes his new boyfriend “the young fellow,” his new bronze bicycle, household projects, thrift finds which accumulate his “assets”

SN: moved into a new house with her boyfriend, updates me on life via IM, possibly getting a new job, soonish? Likes country music, Perez Hilton….I don’t know what else, as far as “new” like’s.

RN: busy as hell finishing up his last year in “uni,” recently and happily moved in with his boyfriend. Worlds away from me.

JC: Likes being a nurse, talking about Lowell, sometimes hangs with VM.

KB: I heard she just got a DUI. Uh ohz.

VM: gearing up for her big move to NYC, starting to go on interviews for a new job, visiting in a couple days! Likes fashion, hummus and espresso. (all old likes. I’ve no clue, as far as new ones go.)

BM: has finals this weekend and a time for a call this weekend (hooray!), finishing up his last year in school, being a barista, gets to job hunt this summer. Likes new movies and books, so probably whatever is current out there.

D: taking real estate classes. My reaction: “Oh, word?” Is real estate a common ‘out’ for hustlers, et al.?

AS: riding the train back from the metal show

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the neighbor’s cat

(I jotted this down back in early January right before I flew back to Oakland.)

And so, he plans my welcome back party with Reggie, his neighbor’s cat.

A warm welcome back from my fake, little Oakland family is in order!

Get Reggie on the phone with the party planning committee. Don’t tell me they’ve misspelled my middle name! At least the flyer’s will be legit. Reggie’s a dear cat, who deserves some salmon.

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